Running Gags

"Full points for originality."

This is a light-hearted (MOAR PUNS! Cie food!) look at my random observations while playing the game. Most notably, at the unusual actions that happen a little too often. Enough to get you tipsy if you make a drinking game out of them.

This page is so not serious business. It's the opposite of serious business. It's so unserious business that it's seriously unserious business. Worst. Birthday. Ever.

Hope is on his knees, or otherwise on the ground.

Hope, you fail P.E. This kid is on the ground in almost every cut scene for the first five chapters of the game. True, he's a kid. You're supposed to sympathized with this ordinary person put in an extraordinary situation. I'll let it go for that, and because he's an awesome magic user later. I'll even be nice and not mention the bizarre "large boomerang that magically disappears into his arse" thing.

Vanille makes suspiciously orgasmic sounds.

There's fanservice. And then there's Vanille. This is ridiculous. A poster from said it best, "Slight moans for pretty much ANY attack EVER. Due to her emotional *gasps* being similar, it's unclear if she gets pleasure from fighting or just has constant arousal. Then, if there was ever any doubt, her final move with her Eidolon has to be seen to be believed. "

Snow talks about or is called a HEEEROOOOO.

"Your hero is on his way!" "Here comes the hero!" "These people need a hero!" "Heroes don't need plans!" OMG Snow, drop it! Why don't just change your name to Hero already!? Can you imagine living with this man? Everything he enters the kitchen, hallway, or living room, you'll hear something like "Your hero is back! I brought red cups!"

Lightning punches someone in the party.

Like Snow, for the reason above. Maybe if you didn't talk about being a hero all the time, Snow, she wouldn't have to shut you up with her fist all the time either. Fang also gets a hit, but it's more of a slap. Light probably respects someone as cool and sexy as herself.

The party crashes their airship... again.

Square just wants to tease us with with memories of traveling the world in airships, per previous FF games. Our l'cie heroes hijack or are given a ship at least four times in the game. Even with a pilot in the group (Papa Sazh), they still manage to crash each one in Vile Peaks, into the Fifth Ark, on Gran Pulse, and in Eden. I blame the cast's inability to hold on to an airship as the cause for our lack of TOWNZZZZZ!

You find a really lame fal'cie.

Fal'cie are gods in this world. They are the sun, they create food for millions, they can give great power, create monsters, and take away lives. They... open sliding doors? Really. There are door fal'cie who are in charge of opening sliding doors. I AM THE DOOR GOD! PH33R MY ABILITY TO MAKE YOU TAKE THE SIDE ENTRANCE! Let's not forget the fal'cie on Pulse who just digs tunnels all day. "i liek tunnelz. durrhurr."

Your characters are just as confused as you.

(On the Palamecia)
Intercom: Attention all crew: code green! I repeat, code green!
Intercom: Intruder alert! Code purple!
Hope: What do all these color codes mean?
Absolutely nothing. It just sounds cool.

(In the Tessaracts, a fal'cie moves all the floating platforms when you come near her.)
Fang: I don't get it.
You and me both, Fang. Welcome to a Square Enix game!